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I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. That this tragedy would finally sink in and I would no longer be able to hold back the tears. For two days I’ve choked back powerful emotions, trying to stay strong, thinking to myself, what good would it do to cry? What good would it do to show how my heart aches? I don’t know what the true answer is, I only know it’s time to let go and let the hurt out.

I’m leaving work early today, so I can go to the Drillfield on campus and take pictures of the memorials. Though my heart, mind and soul will never allow me to forget the events of the past 48 hours, I want physical memories to remind me of the tragedy and to never forget the innocent lives that were tragically taken from us. I will post these photos to share with the world, not that there’s a shortage of photos available, but they are from photographers who take photos for a living. The photos we take mean something different. Though the images may be the same, the love and the pain and the hurt are revealed in the photos we take.

In the last two days, I’ve read so many articles, watched countless television stories and listened to radio reports about the tragedy on my campus. The most powerful and emotional articles have come from Hokies. One of my favorites is titled “The Final Emotion” and was written by a friend and fellow Tech alumnus, Will Stewart, General Manager of the popular Virginia Tech fan site, Techsideline.com.

So many times I’ve asked myself, why has this horror affected me in such a profound manner? I didn’t know any of the victims. I wasn’t an engineering student. I haven’t taken a class at Tech in 10 years. So why am I feeling like it happened to someone in my family? Because I’m a Hokie. Because everyone involved was a Hokie. That’s what we had in common. That was our bond. And that bond is stronger than many blood-related families.

I went with my wife Donna and our 2-year-old son Nicholas to the candlelight vigil on Tuesday night. I saw so many Hokies like me who were struggling to fight back the tears and the pain. To be surrounded by so much love and so many extended family members, it was an emotional evening. Yet, I still didn’t shed a tear. I kept choking back the pain.

All I can think about are the families of the victims. Like Will, I, too, have tried to put myself in the darkness those families are wandering and ask myself how would I be handling this if it were my son among the dead. And like Will, I can’t. I just can’t go there … it’s too difficult to fathom and the mere thought of it is so devastating, I fear I may crumble under the weight.

I’m going to the Drillfield today. I will take pictures and I think I will finally let the tears flow as I stand alone in front of the shrines. I will cry for the victims. I will cry for their families. I will cry for the police officers who were first on the scene of the massacre. I will cry for the EMTs and first responders who tried desperately to save every life they could. I will cry for the leaders of the university. I will cry for the students. I will cry for the alumni who can’t be here. I will cry for the children, my son included, who are too young to understand what happened. I will cry for those who cannot. I will cry for my wife, my son and my family. I will cry for your family. And finally, I will cry for me, because it’s something I need to do.

Go Hokies,
Gary Cope
Class of 1997

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